Tirades, Pillows are winners in the season-ending lottery

Hender reaches the playoffs for the first time in five years; Vern blows his chance at completing his dramatic first-to-worst storyline

Dalvin Cook's 64-yard TD late in the fourth quarter allowed the Vikings to tie the Colts and eventually win the game in OT, finishing the greatest come-from-behind win in NFL history.

Week 15 was a crazy, bizarre experience in the NFL games: The Colts blew a 33-point lead, allowing the Vikings to stage the biggest comeback win in league history; the Patriots lost to the Raiders because they executed the dumbest play in league history; Tom Brady and the Bucs blew a 17-point lead (big deal, 17 points) and lost to the Bengals; the Jags got a pick-six in OT to stun the Cowboys.

Yours truly's Tirades didn't choke and secured final playoff berth as a result, that was mostly due to Dalvin Cook's 23 points. When, if ever, did a running back come back to score 23 points in a JSFL game when his NFL team was down 33-0? Never, I bet. The Tirades, Packers and Rangers all finished 8-7 in a tie for the final playoff spot (as predicted would happen) and the Tirades won the tiebreaker by being the third-highest scoring team in the league (1295 points). The Packers finished with a close-but-no-cigar 1287 points — too bad for Jeff Lambert that Packers WR Christian Watson spent most of the Monday Night game blocking and as a result scored only 4 points. The Rangers finished far behind with 1190 points.

Matt Huey and the Pillow Biters won the race to the bottom (and the first draft pick next year) when Vern Ahrendes and the Invalids fumbled the ball at the goal line.

Well, all that means that the playoffs are set and the Tirades round out the quartet of would-be champions. They had to beat the Band Aids for the first time in three tries this season to get in and Bob Garcia's team did not roll over and play dead. The ST division-leading Saddles, on the other hand, having already punched their playoff ticket, did play dead last weekend. And that was bad news for Vern Ahrendes' Invalids, who managed to blow their long run at ineptitude (and the top pick in the draft) by accidentally beating the Saddles on the last crazy weekend of the season.

There are a bunch of key injuries that will affect playoff teams (Jonathan Taylor for the Saddles, Jalen Hurts for the Beaters, Lamar Jackson for the Recliners), but I'll leave that analysis to Vern and his Thursday preview.

Here's a look at the two games that mattered (and the three that didn't) in Week 15:

Tirades 92, Band Aids 83: The aforementioned effort from Cook in what looked like a blowout loss on Saturday got Tirades owner Ron Hender to come back off the precipice and then QB Pat Mahomes came through on Sunday with 32 points. Not shockingly, Tirades RB Miles Sanders again made the least of his starting opportunity, scoring three points. In his six starts, Sanders has averaged 6.5 points. When he doesn't start, he averaged 17.5. And if the impatient Hender had just left Sanders in the lineup each week, the Tirades would have finished 11-4, would have won the division and would have been the league's top scoring team. But I digress... The Band Aids were led by their Chicago connection: QB Justin Fields had 23 and RB David Montgomery 20.

Invalids 62, Saddles 58: The defending champion Invaiders' long, slow slog toward their 2022 goal of last place (and the first pick in the draft) skidded to an abrupt halt last weekend when Blayze Hanson's Saddles proved even more inept, losing the final game of the year to what had been the league's worst team. Vern got two double-figures efforts from his team: QB Geno Smith and RB James Conner both had 14. Blayze had exactly one: RB Aaron Jones had 17 on Monday night. The Shit Talkers Division champion Saddles backed into the playoffs with a 64-62 win two weeks ago and this loss; They'll need better than a 60-point average going forward.

Packers 99, Pillows 72: Jeff finished 8 points short of the last playoff spot despite a strong effort in the season finale. Josh Allen was, as usual, the bell cow here: he scored a game-high 36 points. Ja'Marr Chase and kicker Brett Maher each added 12. Huey earned the first pick in the draft with the loss. The Pillows were led by QB Dak Prescott's 20.

Beaters 115, Rangers 59: John Lambert's playoff hopes lasted exactly one week; they were in until they weren't. This loss knocked them into the three-way tie and they had no chance in the tiebreaker (total points, as mentioned earlier). But was this the last big hurrah for Matt Pringle's scoring machine, the Spread Beaters? Hurts led the team with 34 points, RB Derrick Henry had 21 and WR AJ Brown 18. As noted, Hurts is hurt, and the week he was on bye earlier this season the Beaters scored 82.

Gerbils 89, Recliners 76: Chris Zimnoch's Recliners have been in "lean back" mode with the massage option turned on for several weeks. They were 10-3 two weeks ago, but this is their second-consecutive loss and they've averaged only 66.5 points a game in those defeats with Tom Brady (15 points in week 14) and Jared Goff (14 points this week) filling in at QB for the injured Jackson. Chuck Nelson's Gerbils might just be the hottest team not battling for a spot in the post season: QB Jose Burrow had 24, RB Christian McCaffrey 19 and WR Jalen Waddle 17.