Another shocking loss for Beaters

This time, they give up 115 points to the worst team in the league (sorry, Bob, it is what it is) a week after coughing up a 137-point hairball against the hapless Tirades. Beaters owner Matt Pringle has not, however, been placed on "watch" yet.

Caleb Williams threw for 4 TDs and ran for another to lead the Band Aids to an upset win over the Beaters.

Editor's Note: This post is laced with unbridled, unapologetic bitterness. If you don't like it, start writing these recaps yourself or STFU (not to be confused with WTNE).

Two weeks ago, the Spread Beaters appeared to have taken control of the Silent Division with a 76-57 win over the also-hapless Rangers. They improved to 6-1 and looked to be headed toward a second Super Bowl appearance in the past three years.

Fast forward to this morning. Another loss, another triple-digit score by a shitty opponent, and the Beaters are back in a three-way tie for first in the Silent Division with the Recliners and WTNE, all at 6-3. Hell, even the frigging Invaiders (4-5) might be back in it now — owner Vern Ahrendes was dancing on rooftops after his mediocre team scored a win over the previously-noted-as-hapless Tirades, snapping a three-game ineptitue streak.

But enough about foundering teams keeping their heads above water. Let's talk about teams that don't suck.

The Packers (7-2) continued on cruise control and whalloped Who Dey, snapping Matt McCumber's four-game "experience" as a winning team. Welcome back to reality, Matty. Jeff's Packers again scored in triple digits, are the league's most consistent scoring team (972 points) by a wide margin (the Recliners are a distant second, 70 points back) and are averaging 108 points a game. The Pack got a boost from WTNE last weekend, as they knocked off the Gerbils (4-5) and pushed the Packers out to a three-game lead in the Shit Talkers Division.

Oh, and before we get on with the recaps and Swami update, let's briefly discuss how completely crappy and inconsistent the Tirades are. Yes, they scored a league-high 137 points two weeks ago. But that is the season's lone highlight. The other two victories are over teams that are a combined 4-14. They consistently underperform, often by double digits, to projected scoring. Take a look:

	Projected	Actual	Difference	Result
Week 9	101	81	-20	L vs Invaiders
Week 7	93	87	-6	L vs WTNE
Week 6	86	64	-22	L vs Who Dey
Week 2	91	79	-12	W vs Rangers
Week 1	90	77	-13	L vs Recliners

Swami update

Swami again had a losing week, primarily because he ignored solid, reputable advice and picked his team's opponent despite convincing analysis to the contrary. I am afraid to look back to see how many times he's been f---ed by the Tirades this season, but last week was yet another occasion. He also mistakenly went with the Gerbils (lost to WTNE) and the Beaters (lost to the Band Aids, and to be fair, no one saw that coming). Swami keeps inching closer to .500 and is now 25-20 on the season after an 8-2 start.

Jayden Daniels suffers a dislocated elbow. Not for the faint of heart.

Injury update

As if the upset loss to the Band Aids wasn't frustrating enough for Pringle, he also lost star TE Tucker Kraft for the season with a torn ACL and QB Jayden Daniels with a dislocated elbow. The Invaiders lost WR Brian Thomas Jr. for an undetermined stretch with an ankle injury. Recliners WR Puka Nacua injured his ribs in the 3Q and did not return, but might be back next weekend. Tirades backup RB Aaron Jones suffered a minor knee injury but might only miss one week.

Week 9 Recap

Band Aids 115, Beaters 105: Bob got his second win of the season thanks to an unlikely hero: Bears QB Caleb Williams, who led the way with 37 points. WR Tee Higgins added 26 and stole much-needed points away from Ja'Marr Chase, who the Tirades mistakenly protected on Draft Day. WR Rasheed Rice continues to score after his return from suspension, posting 14. The Beaters, who have averaged 99 points the past two weeks and lost both games, were led by WR Drake London (29) and QB Jaxson Dart (26).

Packers 109, Who Dey 79: Wait, I know what you are thinking — didn't the Invaiders have the second-highest scoring game this week? Shouldn't they be here in the roundup? No! They'll be last, and Vern knows why. Peeing on a so-called friend from a great height after your mediocre team wins a meaningless game? Boom. You're the last recap in the roundup. Meanwhile, Jeff continues to roll toward a division title with a 30-point win. Christian McCaffrey, the guy the Tirades should have protected, scored a game-high 28 points. Lamar Jackson scored 25 points in his return from injury. TE Sam LaPorta added 15 more. Thankfully for Matty, WR Jaxson Smith-Njigba managed to score 13 so I did not have to say that his leading scorer was K Evan McPherson (11).

Recliners 97, Rangers 86: The Recliners (6-3) moved into a three-way tie for the Silent Division lead with the win. RB Rico Dowdle's return to relevancy (26 points, after single-point outings the previous two weeks) led the way. Nacua and Dak Prescott each had 15. The Rangers got 27 from QB Josh Allen, 17 from the Steelers defense and 15 from RB Josh Jacobs.

WTNE 88, Gerbils 79: The Gerbils (4-5) free-fall continues — they've lost three in a row — as Jordan Garcia's team (6-3) moves back into a three-way tie for first with the Beaters and Recliners. WTNE was led by the triumphant return of TE Brock Bowers, who single-handedly has made the Raiders relevant again, at least for one week. Bowers scored 30 in his return from injury. The only other player to score in double-figures for Jordan was QB Justin Herbert (27). The Gerbils got 18 from Davante Adams (another Raider! Who knew!) and 16 from TE Dalton Kincaid.

Invaiders 112, Tirades 81: What happens when the Colts have a crappy week? The Tirades (3-6) lose (again). Jonathan Taylor did not score his usual three TDs, and in fact scored zero touchdowns and posted 5 measly points. QB Daniel Jones managed 15. For the Invaiders, a bunch of dipshits led the way. 75-year-old QB Joe Flacco scored 31 and a RB no one has ever heard of (Bears Kyle Monangai) had 19. One that people have heard of, Kyren Williams, added 17. The aforementioned Thomas had 5 in what could be his last game for a while.