Pillows shock Recliners despite Darren Waller

Matt Huey's TE Darren Waller let him down (zero points) but he managed to beat Chris Zimnoch's team anyway, taking the QB tiebreaker

Darren Waller didn't even manage one catch against the Chiefs on Monday night before leaving with a pulled hamstring, but Pillows owner Matt Huey won anyway in a tie-breaker.

Nobody likes ties. But that's exactly what we got last week because Pillow Biters TE Darren Waller could not score a single frigging point on Monday night against the Chiefs. Waller posted a donut, lasted only two series and left the game with a strained hammy (or was it a hangnail? we may never know). So the Pillows were stuck at 68 points, same as the division-leading Recliners. Thankfully, we do have a tiebreaker, ESPN scoring automation be damned.

Another Silent Division TE piled it on, and his team won easily. Travis Kelce scored four TDs (on 8 targets) and posted 26 points as the Invaiders whalloped the Spread Beaters and moved within a half game of the first place Recliners.

That was the way things went in Week 5. There's a logjam in the Silent Division: three teams are 3-2. The other two are 2-3. There's a logjam in the ST division, where the Saddles still sit on top with a 3-2 record despite a shocking upset loss to the Rangers, and everyone else is a game back at 2-3. The Packers and Tirades both had big, possibly season-saving victories to remain a game behind Blayze. Here's the recap...

Rangers 97, Saddles 80: RB Breece "Who?" Hall scored a career high 25 points and WR Davante Adams added 24 more as the Rangers shocked the world (and his opponent) with the stunning victory. Blayze got 17 from backup RB Jeff Wilson of the 49ers, who was starting in place of injured stalwart Jonathan Taylor, but got underwhelming efforts from RB Aaron Jones (7), QB Justin Herbert (14) and WR Mike Evans (7). Even his kicker, Younghoe Koo, decided to take the week off... he scored a single point. Meanwhile, John Lambert got 17 from Justin Jefferson and QB David Carr and 16 from his kicker, Justin Tucker. The Rangers improved to 2-3 and are 1.5 games back in the Silent Division.

Invaiders 100, Beaters 81: Another upset in the Silent Division as the low-scoring, how have they won three games Invalids hit triple digits for the first time in 2022 and knocked off the team that was tied for the division lead. In addition to the 26 posted by the aforementioned Kelce, Vern got 18 each from WR Cooper Fucking Kupp and kicker Nick Folk, 14 more from RB David Forget Cooper Fucking Kupp. Now the

Montgomery and didn't really give a crap Invaiders have Travis Fucking Kelce.

that QB Aaron Rodgers only came through

with 16. The Beaters got 27 from QB Jalen Hurts and 26 from RB Derrick Henry and not much from anyone else, save an 11 from WR Chris Olave. Both teams are now 3-2 and a half-game back of the Recliners. Speaking of which...

Pillows 69, Recliners 68: OK, so Darren Waller's hamstring cost the Pillows a tie-breakerless win. But thanks to QB Kyler Murray, who outscored Recliners QB Lamar Jackson 16-13, Huey and the Pillow Biters scored the upset victory. Otherwise, this one was pretty much a stinker all the way up and down both lineups. I mean, come on folks... if you can't manage 70 points, you really don't deserve to even win the game, right Vern? Nick Chubb scored 25, Murray had his 16 and those were the only guys in double-digits for the Pillows. RB Saquon Barkley's 16 points led the Recliners.

Packers 106, Band Aids 76: QB Josh Allen lit it up for 35 points and RB Josh Jacobs added 24 as the Pack Attack did in the Band Aids. RB Dameon Pierce added 16 as Jeff Lambert's team clawed its way back into the ST division race. Both teams are 2-3 and a game out of first.

Tirades 102, Gerbils 67: The blowout of the day and further evidence that a broken clock can be correct at least twice a day, as Vern finally gets a victory while predicting a Tirades win. The 49ers defense continues to be the scoring machine for this team, posting another 15 points and is averaging 12 points a game. QB Pat Mahomes went off against the Raiders for 29 and we finally got a glimpse of what RB Dalvin Cook is capable of as he scored 23. WR Stefon Diggs added 16 more. RB Austin Ekeler was the only ray of sunshine for the Gerbils, positing a 31.