The mess that is the Band Aids season; Tirades, Pack tied at 3-1 atop ST division

Invaiders and Spread Beaters both win again; those teams are also 3-1 and lead the Silent Division and will square off this weekend

Justin Tucker boots a 66-yard field goal (off the crossbar!) to beat Detroit.

OK, I have been waiting 10 years to say this, and I do it with all if the humility I can muster …

Bob, do you need some tips on how to play this game?

WTF has happened to the Band Aids? They got waxed for the third straight week, sit in the basement of the division, and have no help on the bench. If there is a Code Red situation in the JSFL, it is in in San Clemente.

And, Week 5 does not look to offer any solace for Bobland, as the division-leading Packers play host for what could be their fourth-straight waxing. Elsewhere in the JSFL landscape, the Pack and Tirades, Spread Beaters and Invaiders sit atop their divisions, all with 3-1 records.

One of those four teams will be at 3-2 after this week as the Spread Beaters and Invaiders play the first meaningful game between their franchises in nearly 10 years.

“It has been a decade since I had a winning record heading into October,” Invaider owner Vern Ahrendes said Monday afternoon after the first walk-through for the SBers. “We hate each other, and we have not had a reason to. Now, we do. This is going to get ugly. There might be pink slips riding on this one.”

Spread Beater owner Matt Pringle was more matter of fact. “Beaters by 6. Bet the house.”

Two other teams successfully climbed to .500 with wins in Week 4. The Blazing Saddles easily dropped the Recliners (also 2-2), to get to the break-even point in the division and remain one game back of the Pack and Tirades. In the Silent Division, the Rangers also got to 2-2 with a big win over the Gerbils.

The Gerbils sit in the division basement with the Band Aids, both at a head-scratching 1-3.

Still seeking their first win of the year, the Pillow Biters fell to 0-4 at the hands of the Invadiers in Week 4.

Other games on the Week 5 slate have the Rangers and Blazing Saddles facing off, the Gerbils taking on the Tirades, and the Recliners and Pillow Biters fighting to stay out of the division basement.

Spread Beaters 102, Packers 67: Matt’s boys easily dispatched the Packers to hand Jeff his first loss of the year. The Spread Beaters got 24 points from Saquon Barkley, 18 from Lamar Jackson and 13 from Justin Tucker, including his 66-yard, game-winning field goal in Detroit. The Packers countered with 27 from Josh Allen, and 22 from David Montgomery. The Packers left 27 from Deebo Samuel on the bench.

Tirades 84, Band Aids 53: This one got away from Bob early, and like I said earlier, he had nothing promising on his bench. The Tirades dropped 31 points on Garcia from Patrick Mahomes and 23 more from D.J. Moore. As predicted last week, the Tirades had more points on the bench than the Band Aids starters scored, including 24 from Terry McLaurin. Garcia got 23 points from Aaron Rodgers and 12 from Alvin Kamara and that was about it. “Why can’t I keep playing the Invalids?” Bob lamented.

Blazing Saddles 93, Recliners 67: The pounding sound you heard last week was Vern slamming his head against a desk for letting another good running back go. Blayze scooped up James Robinson and was rewarded with 19 points and 2 TDs. Jalen Hurts added 27 points, the Arizona kicker with 15, and Najee Harris 14. Chris’ Recliners fell to 2-2 and struggled to find some scoring punch in Week 4. Ezekiel Elliott led the team with 20 points. DaVonta Smith and Joe Mixon added 12 each.

Invaiders 96, Pillow Biters 47: OK, we did some digging on this scoring futility. The tepid 47 points posted by defending champ Huey was the lowest team score since Week 14 of the 2020 season, when my Invalids puked up just 44 points and the Tirades beat it with a measly 43 points. Prior to that, the Spread Beaters scored just 45 points in Week 7. Austin Ekeler led the scoring parade Monday night with 25 points, but this was settled Sunday with 23 points from the Buffalo defense and 21 from the Arizona quarterbacks. Huey’s Consortium countered with 23 from Derrick Henry, 11 from Kenny Golladay and 9 from the Cleveland QBs (Baker Mayfield!),

Rangers 109, Gerbils 60: John’s Rangers scored the week’s high behind 36 from Tyreek Hill, 20 from the Chargers QBs and 16 from the Buffalo kicker, Tyler Bass. The Gerbils’ scoring woes continued with just 17 from Ryan Tannehill, 13 from Chase Edmonds and 12 from Amari Cooper.