Shocking! Invaiders have a pulse

Just when you thought it was safe to start printing playoff tickets, a true dark horse rises from the dead in the Silent Division. Vern Ahrendes and his zombie Invaiders aren't out of it— yet.

The Invaiders sent pending free agent WR CeeDee Lamb to the Tirades for WR Ja'Marr Chase.

Sure, the odds are insurmountable. Sure, he's already dealt away some talent and his keeper WR is on the chopping block. But here Vern is, entering Week 13 with a .500 record and a sliver of a shot at the post season.

Yes, you can all blame me for this fiasco, as it was my inept team that made it possible for the Invaiders to post two of their six wins. Yes, it's also my fault that the Spread Beaters suffered a shocking loss to the Rangers and opened the door a crack for Vern, since one-third of Matt Pringle's starting lineup last weekend came in a recent trade from my starting roster. Note: QB Brock Purdy threw three picks and finished with 6, stud RB Jonathan Taylor had 5 and WR Emeka Egbuka 3. Those three were predicted to put up a combined 48. Sorry, Matt. They'll do better this weekend, I promise.

And to cap off the weekend, Chuck Nelson's fourth-seeded Gerbils shocked the division-leading Recliners thanks to a huge game from Jamyr Gibbs.

There were some non-surprise outcomes as well. The Packers held off the Band Aids to improve to 10-2 and in doing so became the first time to clinch a playoff spot. Matty McCumber's Who Dey's only scored 68 but managed to win, thanks to some shrewd lineup decisions by yours truly that helped secure a loss (and, perhaps, a shot at the first pick in the draft next year).

Breaking News!

The Invaiders finally unloaded pending free-agent CeeDee Lamb, sending the WR and a 10th-round pick to the Tirades for WR Ja'Marr Chase and a 12th. It's the third trade in less than a week for the Tirades, who also shipped RB Breece Hall to the Gerbils for a 10th-rounder and RB Nick Chubb in addition to last week's blockbuster deal with the Beaters. That leaves Recliners RB Bijan Robinson as the lone remaining free-agent-to-be that could be dealt before the trade deadline at midnight PST on Thanksgiving Day. The Invaiders allegedly offered the Recliners a 2-for-2 deal involving Lamb for Bijan, but Vern reported that a drinking binge before a road game in Vegas may have violated some personal behavior clause in a contract, so that offer died on the vine. We'll see if Chris, who we believe has never executed a trade in his history in the JSFL, goes rogue and moves Bijan or just lets him go after the season. The clock is ticking.

Swami update

Thanks to betting on his own team (hey, just like Pete Rose!) and betting against the Tirades, Swami had a 3-2 week and improved to 34-26. He blew it on the Gerbils win over the Recliners and had the Beaters (by 20!) over the Rangers. Oh well.

Week 12 Recap

Gerbils 117, Recliners 98: The aforementioned Gibbs (43 points, right) ran wild against the NY football Giants, rushing for 219 yards and two TDs and catching passes for 49 more and another touchdown as the Gerbils improved to 7-5. QB Pat Mahomes added 17, and WR Davante Adams 18. The Rams provided most of Chris Zimnoch's offense, as Matt Stafford scored 22 and the LA defense 18 for the Recliners (who are still leading the Silent Division at 8-4).

Packers 108, Band Aids 89: WR George Pickens (20) led a five-pack of guys in double-figures for Jeff Lambert as his team begins strategizing about future playoff matchups. QB Drake May had 23, RB Christian McCaffrey (Go Niners!) had 19 and RB James Cook 18 for the Pack, who got 17 more from AJ Brown. RB Derrick Henry had 20 for Bob Garcia's Band Aids (3-9).

Invaiders 85, WTNE 79: Jordan Garcia's WTNE has gone from playoff shoe-in to, well, crapola after this loss to the Invaiders. While WTNE has a ways to go before they reach the Tirades level of ineptitude, the last two weeks show a disturbing pattern that they might be on their way. Jordan has declared a fire sale but no one is listening to the alarm, apparently. Vern, meanwhile, has brought it most of the stuff he was trying to peddle in his garage sale and now only Lamb sits out on his lawn with a "4 Sale, Cheep" sign around his neck. Free-agent pickup Emanuel Wilson, fresh off the scrap heap, led the Invaiders with 23, the Browns defense added 16 and RB Kenneth Walker was the only other guy to score in double-figures for Vern (10). RB Quinshon Judkins had 16 and whomever was playing QB for Arizona this week (I can't be bothered to look) had 18 for WTNE.

Rangers 78, Beaters 73: Someone in SoCal please check the tall buildings to make sure Pringle is not near the edge. He can't be happy about this after his blockbuster trade last week blew up, at least in the first week of action afterward. Amon-Ra St. Brown was the highlight for the Beaters (7-5), scoring 20. A tight end — a mediocre one at that — led the Rangers as Hunter Henry had 17. RBs Tyrone Tracy and Kenneth Gainwell each had 12 as John Lambert's team improved to 4-8.

Who Dey 68, Tirades 58: My strategy to blow up the rest of my season is playing out almost perfectly. If it hadn't been for dumbass WR Darnell Mooney, who was supposed to do nothing after being added to the roster (and starting lineup) at the last minute, this would have been a candidate for worst game in JSFL history. But Mooney wound up catching a TD pass, scoring 13, and said dumbass put the Tirades in a position to (gasp!) win at one point on Sunday. Thankfully, the wildness of QB Brock Purdy (left, who threw three picks, all aimed somewhat toward Tirades starting WR Ricky Piersall) helped cement the loss. Piersall caught only one non-intercepted pass headed in his direction and did not register a single point. That and the -3 that the Tampa Bay defense posted secured the loss for the Tirades (4-8 and now just a game out of last place with three to play). Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that Jaxson Smith Njigba went off, scoring 28 points to lead Who Dey (5-7).