Season kicks off with Battle of the Lamberts

Rangers take on Packers, Invaiders face Band Aids as interdivision play highlights the opening week of the JSFL season

Seachickens CB Riq Wollen leads a revamped defense that looked good enough for Matt Pringle to grab them off the waiver wire on Tuesday, the first move of the 2024 season.

Well, well, well. It's finally time to start the 2024 JSFL season as the NFL opener between the Chiefs and Ravens kicks off tonight (ESPN at 8:20p EDT). The defending champion Spread Beaters, winners of the previous two JSFL Super Bowls, look to make it three in a row as they square off against the Gerbils. ESPN's AI says Matt Pringle's got his work cut out for him this season, though, predicting an 8th-place finish.

Pringle already got his roster re-shuffle started on Tuesday (and waited a full two minutes, too!) replacing his defense, dumping the Rams for the Seachickens. Two others decided on new tight end and kicker: Jeff Lambert dropped Hunter Henry for Chigoziem Okonkwo and Matty jettisoned one Lion for another (Michael Badgely got the boot, Jake Bates replaces him).

Here's a look at the week one matchups.

Game of the Week

Rangers vs Packers, Rangers favored by 1: The Lambert brothers square off in an unusual situation for both. John, who has never won a title, may have his best team ever. Jeff, who has won many, will try to win another without his longtime QB Josh Allen (now with the Tirades). John's Rangers are favored by a single point this weekend and hold advantages at QB (Jalen Hurts over Anthony Richardson), RB1 (Breece Hall over Travis Etienne Jr), TE (George Kittle over Jake Ferguson) and Flex (WR Mike Evans over RB De'Von Achane). Jeff's Pack holds the edge at WR1 (Ja'Marr Chase, assuming he plays despite a contact dispute, over Nico Collins) and RB2 (Kenneth Walker III over Kyren Williams). Take the Rangers by 3.

The Close Ones?

Invaiders vs Band Aids, Invaiders favored by 2: The Band Aids hold the advantage in only two spots: QB (Lamar Jackson over Brock Purdy, which is debatable IMHO) and Flex (RB Chuba Hubbard over WR Malik Nabers). It's the Invaiders showing off their explosiveness everywhere else, from Jonathan Taylor and Najee Harris at RB (hey, isn't that the Saddles old backfield?) and CeeDee Lamb and Brandon Aiyuk at WR. This one won't be that close. Take the Invaiders by 5.

Gerbils vs Spread Beaters, Gerbils favored by 3: For the first time in ages, it appears Gerbils owner Chuck Nelson had his noggin’ out of other parts of his body on Draft Day (maybe it was that warmup round of golf???), and he heads into this Week 1 matchup as a favorite over defending Champ Matt Pringle’s Spread Beaters. The statistical pinheads love the Gerbils’ QB (Patrick Mahomes) over Kyler Murray, RB2 Josh Jacobs over Brian Robinson Jr., and flex player Zamir (Whizzer) White (a Raider? Really? That must be an omen of bad tidings to come). The Spread Beaters get the nod at WR Tyreek Hill (over A.J. Brown), tight end Travis Kelce over Dalton Kincaid, and those aforementioned Seachickens defense over the Saints. Every other position is a push. It is really hard to write this, but, Take the Gerbils by 1.

The Blowouts?

WTNE vs Who Dey, WTNE favored by 6: We are going to give the former rookie and the newest rookie some benefit of the doubt in this one, as this one looks to be closer than the ESPN stat pinheads believe. Jordan’s squad is heavily favored at nearly every position, QB Joe Burrow, Saquon Barkley and Rachaad White and flex Alvin Kamara. As goes Joe (Burrow), so go WTNE. The only scoring advantage Matty is given is at WR Justin Jefferson and defense (the Natti). It might end up being a long season for the newest rook. Take WTNE and 5.

Tirades vs Recliners, Tirades favored by 7: The highest-scoring affair on the docket this week appears to be this one. The Tirades are estimated to be the only team to top the century mark, but Chris’ Recliners are not far behind at 94. All of those early picks and the trade for RB Christian McCaffrey have the Tirades loaded for success. Ron will go into this one with scoring advantages at QB (Josh Allen), McCaffrey, WR Deebo Samuel, flex Aaron Jones and the Dolphins defense. The Recliners, who we think will still be fighting in the postseason, will counter with advantages at RB2 Joe Mixon and tight end Sam LaPorta. The Tirades have too much firepower in this one (but Ron will be on pins and needles Monday hoping he gets enough out of his 49ers). Take the Tirades and 6.