Packers tear off Band Aids' perfect season

Saddles are ridden hard and put up wet; WTNE back to winning ways; Invalids back in a wheelchair; Tirades plan to finish last derailed

Rangers keeper WR Justin Jefferson is headed to the IR and will miss at least the next four games after suffering a hamstring injury Sunday against the Colts.

What a wild Week 5 in the JSFL. The Packers went crazy and upset the lone unbeaten team. The Rangers stunned the upstart Saddles. And a bunch of injuries to star players should affect teams for the next few weeks.

Let's start with who's hurt. In the "Couldn't Happen to a Nicer Guy Department," Matt Pringle lost upstart RB De'Von Achane to a knee injury after a lone appearance (he scored 21). The Rangers, hot off an upset win over Blayze Hanson's Saddles, lost keeper WR Justin Jefferson to a hamstring injury. He scored 14 before exiting. Things went from bad to worse for the 0-5 Gerbils, who lost RB James Conner to a knee injury, but at least top draft pick QB Joe Burrow appears to be back to form. Maybe. The Recliners, who got sat on by WTNE, might be without first-round pick Travis Kelce (again), this time to an ankle sprain after he slipped on the turf in Minnesota. He did return to make a TD catch with a heavily-taped ankle, though, but we are pretty sure that was just an effort to impress Taylor Swift.

So here we are, a third of the way through the season, and the leaders are established. In the ST division, the Band Aids are smarting from a beat down from the Pack but still lead the division at 4-1. The Saddles are sore from their loss to John Lambert's Rangers but are still in second at 3-2. The Pack and (how did this happen?) Tirades are tied for third at 2-3 and the Gerbils have punched their ticket for the top draft pick, falling to 0-5. Is it possible to go 0-15? The Tirades thought so, and also thought it would be them accomplishing that ignominious achievement. But then they beat the Pack, and just took care of the Gerbils, but we'll see things get back to normal and soon and they might get lucky and finish 3-12.

In the Silent Division, it's still "I Haven't Figured Out How to Change My Fucking Team Name" in first at 4-1 (hint, Jordan: My Team>Team Settings gear>Name. Enter anything, even gibberish; it will be better than CPU1). The Beaters and Rangers are tied for second at 3-2. The Invalids and Recliners are 2-3. So much for three extra draft picks, eh Vern? You're stuck in the same place the Tirades are (and that ain't a good thing).

Swami update: He had a great weekend, improving to 15-10 on the season. He nailed the big upset, Packers toppling the Band Aids, and his only loss was the other upset, the Saddles falling to the Rangers. Well done, Swami. At least that went well for you last weekend.

PACKERS 131, BAND AIDS 73: How the mighty can fall, eh Bob? The Band Aids scored a season-low 73 points while Jeff Lambert's team was hitting on all cylinders. WR Ja'Marr Chase went crazy, scoring 37. RB Travis Etienne Jr. added 31 and QB Josh Allen appears to be back in form, scoring 27. The 49ers defense put up a stunning 16 in a blowout win over the punchless Cowboys. QB Pat Mahomes led the Band Aids with 19.

RANGERS 120, SADDLES 80: John Lambert got 24 from RB Breece Hall, 27 more from QB Jalen Hurts and 20 from WR George Pickens en route to the upset win over the Saddles. Blayze had two options at QB last week and neither was good: starter Jordan Love stank up Allegiant Stadium against the Raiders and scored 4, but benched Dak Prescott didn't do any better against the vaunted 49ers defense (he also scored a 4). The Jets defense let the Saddles with 18.

WTNE 118, RECLINERS 71: Jordan rode a 41-point effort by WR DJ Moore to an easy victory. We didn't want to wake Chris Zimnoch in this one, he looked so comfortable in the La-Z-Boy that we just let him nap through it.

BEATERS 109, INVALIDS 70: Remember when we were questioning Matt Pringle's ability to win the league with an inconsistent QB such as Justin Fields? Well, forget we said anything. Fields scored 32 points (almost his total output in his first three games) as the Spead Beaters pummeled Vern Ahrendes' Invalids. It didn't matter that Pringle started the Patriots defense (they lost 34-0 and scored -2) because Vern's defense was somehow even worse (Commanders posted a -4 going against Fields). The aforementioned Achane scored 21 before exiting with his knee injury and WR Tyreek Hill added 24. Former Tirade (and should have been keeper) Stefon Diggs was a ray of sunshine for the Invalids, scoring 17.

TIRADES 101, GERBILS 87: The good news for Chuck Nelson: His team scored a season-high 87 points. And there were sightings of two guys who'd been in hibernation: QB Joe Burrow

(22) and TE George Kittle (24) both had season-high efforts. But the Tirades had more to offer: QB Brock Purdy lit up Dallas for 26 on Sunday night, TE pickup Sam LaPorta acored 16 and Cooper Fucking Kupp made his first full-game appearance for the Tirades, and finished with 11.