One upset matchup, one upset owner

Rangers stun preseason favorite Packers; Bob Garcia's team can't manage to score enough (56 points!) to beat the punchless defending champs

Justin Jefferson's 30 points lead the way for the Rangers in an upset win over the Pack.

The first week of the season is always unexpected mess of results. Benched players (really anyone on any team) can outshine starters such as Invaiders RB Cam Akers, who posted a zero. A brother who drafted the 10th "best" team in a 10-team league stuns his younger sibling, whose team is ranked No. 1. And, shockingly, that result did not change either team's ranking.

Here's a quick look (I am in Denmark about to head in to the office) at Week 1 in the JSFL.

Rangers 102, Packers 88: Justin Jefferson scored 30 points and John Lambert's secret weapon, the Steelers defense, posted 23 as the Rangers shocked the world (OK, maybe just the league) with the win in their season opener. Davante Adams scored another 20. The two Rangers receivers -- draft picks 1 and 2 for the team -- combined to almost outscore two other teams. The Pack got 30 from Josh Allen and 18 from Ja'Marr Chase.

Invalids 55, Band Aids 54: Come on, Bob. Really. You couldn't manage enough points to win this one? Sheesh. The defending champs got 18 each from Travis Kelce and keeper Cooper Fucking Kupp but not much else. Bob's hapless bunch were led by QB Russell Wilson, who scored 17 on Monday night before his coach took the ball out of his hands in the final seconds and instead elected to try a ridiculously long field goal (which missed). Bob's dependency on Chargers wide receivers Keenan Allen and Mike Williams cost him dearly... those starters combined for a whopping 7 points. On the bench, WRs Rashod Bateman and Amon-Ra St. Brown combined for 23. Oh, and Bob's bench outscored his starters 91-54. That means he made the wrong call on every single position except TE, and there he got a whopping 5 points from first-round draft pick Mark Andrews. Sad trombone.

Recliners 100, Tirades 89: As usual, the Recliners beat the Tirades. I should just store that sentence for next year's Week 1 recap as it will save me some time. Saquon Barkley was the hero in this one, scoring 27 points in his return to glory. The Chargers defense added 12 and despite the missed FG attempt late, kicker Brandon McManus had 11. Wait... Chris' defense and kicker combined for 23 points and my defense and kicker had... 13? Maybe I should rethink Blayze's proposal to get rid of kickers and defenses after all. Nevermind, I'd still be one point short.

Saddles 100, Pillows 58: Speaking of Blayze, the team that should have been champions last year started off like they want to win it all this year. And he got 19 from kicker Younghoe Koo, so even Blayze now says nevermind to his proposal to kick out the kickers. Keeper Jonathan Taylor and the Chargers QBs both scored 23 for the Saddles and WR Mike Evans added 13. The Pillow Biters got 22 from his Cardinals QB and 18 from WR Michael Pittman but not much else (including the other doughnut of the day, the Packers defense posting a big, fat jelly-filled zero). The Pillows bench outscored its starters 65-58.

Spread Beaters 91, Gerbils 77: Matt Pringle will tell you otherwise, but there is no way on God's green earth that he expected to get 23 points from RB D'Andre Smith -- and not Derrick Henry, who scored 9 -- in the season opener. But he did, and he got 24 more from QB Jalen Hurts and rolled to a win over the Gerbils. Chuck did not get much help from his RB tandem of Christian McCaffrey and Austin Ekeler (17 total, expected to score 29) but the good news is that McCaffrey made it through game one intact.