Gerbils, Tirades hang on

Matty from the Natty was just one big play away from pulling off one of the biggest Monday Night rallies in JSFL history. But, it just was not quite enough.

Who Dey's Jaxon Smith-Njigba was just one big play away from upsetting the Gerbils Monday night in Seattle.

Editor's Note: Vern is pinch hitting this morning as Ron is about 3 hours into a 12-hour stint at an election poll (no, Bob, not that kind of a pole) in Georgia. Today, we applaud Ron's commitment to civic duty and he drinks for free at the "Happy Hour Bar." And, make sure you do your civic duty, if you haven't already, and take time to exercise your hard-earned right to vote.

Just how big of a lead is enough on a Monday night in the JSFL?

Chuck Nelson was feeling pretty good going into the Chicago Bears vs. the Seattle Seahawks' end to the Week 8 slate with a 47-point lead over the Bengals' Mafia (Who Dey).

That comfortable feeling turned to horror as D'Andre Swift scored three TDs and 25 points and Jaxon Smith-Njigba added one TD and 17 points. When the whistle finally sounded in the Bears' big, upset win, the Gerbils hung on for a nail-biting 7-point win.

Who Dey was just one big play away from registering the biggest Monday night rally that I could remember. It sure made those final minutes worth watching ... besides the fact that this 49ers honk was relishing the dismantling of Seattle at home with a little of its own bowl of chowder — a tough defense and a punishing running game.

The victory is Chuck's seventh of the season and leaves him alone in first place in the Shit Talkers' Division and one win ahead of the second-place Band Aids and two clear of both the Packers and Who Dey.

In the other game in limbo Monday, Ron Hender's Tirades overcame a 1-point deficit to defeat the Spread Beaters by 5, 90-85. The Tirades got just enough out of QB Caleb Williams (13 points) while the battle of defenses was won by the Beaters (Bears 6 points, Seattle -1) and the Bears defense was dangerously close to punching in a late TD on a turnover to score a late win.

But they didn't, and Ron went to sleep knowing he was back at .500 at 4-4 and has a date with the Silent Division-leading Invaiders twice in the next three weeks. Can you say two wins, at least?

The final scores from the other three games that were settled Sunday had Bob's Band Aids defeat Jordan's WTNE, 122-66; Chris Zimnoch's Recliners upset the Packers, 84-81; and the Invaiders beat the Rangers, 98-63.

And before the Monday night game kicked off, we had our first Jordan sighting since Las Vegas when he posted the first "Fire Sale" is on in Arizona. He has some quality talent to ponder. In the email he blasted on Monday, he said everyone is on the block for a trade offer except for RB Cam Skattebo. That means that QB Dak Prescott is available, along with RBs Saquon Barkley and Quinshon Judkins, WRs Justin Jefferson, Drake London, TE Tyler Warren, Detroit kicker Jake Bates and the San Francisco 49ers defense (attention, Ron).

Week 8 recap

Gerbils 114, Who Dey 107: This one got seriously interesting as the second half unwound and Who Dey's threesome on the field, RB D'Andre Swift, WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba and TE Colston Loveland kept piling up points to make this one, literally, one play away from a win. And, after Chicago completely blew coverage on JSN down the left sideline early in the fourth quarter (how does a guy get that open?), the heavy dose of passes to JSN in the waning moments to rally from three scores down made it captivating viewing. The fact that Matty had a chance to pull this one out is in large part thanks to Chicago RB D'Andre who had the hat trick with three TDs and 25 points. JSN added one TD and 17 points. Loveland scored "only" 5 but had plenty of opportunities for more. The Gerbils logged the win with 27 points from the Las Vegas Raiders QB (all hail Kirk Cousins), 22 from RB Jahmyr Gibbs and 20 more from RB Jaylen Warren out of the flex position. Matty got a whopping 5 TDs from Joe Burrow (39 points). Looking at the bench, there was not much there for Matty to draw from. The only outlier was Buffalo kicker Tyler Bass, who outscored Evan McPherson by two points. But, who benches a Cincinatti player these days?

Caleb Williams was mocking the Spread Beaters by saying, "Ron beat you by this much...."

Tirades 90, Spread Beaters 85: Ron's Tirades withstood the 49er detox and got just enough from his band of backups to pull out this win. WR Tee Higgins was star of the Tirades' win as he hauled in most of Joe Burrows' bombs and 27 points. Tight end Dalton Kincaid posted 14 points, RB Derrick Henry scored 11 and Matt Gay (Las Vegas) posted 10 points. Matt Pringle got a whopping 27 points from Jacksonville RB Ghayshul Tuten, 21 from Drake Maye, 14 from tight end Harold Fannin Jr. and 11 from WR Rashee Rice in the flex position. A goose egg from Las Vegas WR Tre Tucker and only 3 points from Jonathan Taylor led to his demise. Pringle did leave some points on the bench as Rome Odunze scored 8 and his Jacksonville kicker (Cam Little) outscored Spencer Shrader, 6-1.

Recliners 84, Packers 81: As Ron told us Monday, It's not often when a team's quarterback scores negative points. It's even more rare when that team manages to win despite it. But that happened as the Recliners (3-5) somehow survived the Ravens QB fiasco to post an upset win over the Packers (5-3). The fiasco, summarized: Lamar Jackson returned from a three-game absence (ankle), lasted one play before injuring his thumb and is potentially out for the season. His backup, Tyler Huntley, made it into the second quarter before he exited with a toe injury (the same kind of injury sidelined Brock Purdy (Go Niners!) for seven games last season). The Ravens finished with Joe Fagnano (WHO?) at quarterback and lost to the Bills 36-10. OK, so the Recliners will have to go with Pat Mahomes at QB from now on. Big deal. There are worse options (Fagnano). But Chris Zimnoch did not let a -1 from his QB slow him down. Nor a donut from his usually reliable WR Zay Flowers. TE Brock Bowers scores two TDs and scored 21. WR Ja'Marr Chase had a TD and 20. RB Josh Jacobs, whom Zimnoch sat on for six weeks like a hen tying to hatch an egg while he was on the commissioner's naughty list, scored two TDs and 16 points. Those three were the only Recliners in double figures in the upset. Chris had plenty of scoring powder on the bench. Mahomes scored 24 in the loss to Denver, and RB Tyler Allgeier had a monster 30-point day and likely slides into one of Chris' starting spots in the coming week. ESPN still thought Jeff Lambert's Packers would pull this one out midway through the Sunday night game between the Commanders and the Eagles, as the Pack had QB Jayden Daniels going against the struggling Eagles defense, and he had eight points in the bank midway through the second quarter and was expected to finish with 20. That would have given the Pack a three-point win... but Daniels scored only six more points the rest of the way, finished with 14, and the Recliners held on for the win. Four other Packers scored in double figures in the loss, led by RB James Cook (16). WR Matthew Golden had 13, K Chase McLaughlin 12 and RB Kyren Williams 11. There was no help on the bench for Jeff.

Invaiders 98, Rangers 63: The Invaiders improved to 5-3 (a record that would be good enough for a third-place tie in the Shit Talkers Division) and extended their Shitty Division lead to two games with a win over the Rangers (3-5). QB Trevor Lawrence, RB Braelon Allen and the Jags Defense each posted 20 points for the Invaiders, who also got 13 from TE Trey McBride. RB Bucky Irving's 22 points led the Rangers. Chuba Hubbard scored 17 in the Thursday night game and were the only Rangers in double figures. On the bench, Carolina QB Bryce Young outscored Matthew Stafford, 10-8; WR D.J. Moore outscored DK Metcalf, 13-0; and the Tampa Bay defense outscored the New York Jets, 18 to minus-6.

Band Aids 122, WTNE 66: The Band Aids (6-2) moved into sole possession of second place in the ST Division after blowing out winless WTNE (0-7). QB Josh Allen and RB Tony Pollard both had 25 to lead the Band Aids, who had six guys score in double figures. There plenty more points on the bench if Bob needed them. WR DeMario Douglas hung 13 on the board, five more than Garrett Wilson (who keeps coming up in trade rumors leading up to the NFL trade deadline next week). The Bills defense also scored 14. QB Dak Prescott had 19 and RB Saquon Barkley had 11 for WTNE. Barkley, one of the team's tradeable assets, is gimpy with hamstring and back problems but is still worthy of a draft pick.The only help on the bench for Jordan was the 22 points scored by the Cardinals' QB combo, including the new potential starter Gardner Minshew II (who replaced Jacoby Brissett in the wild combeback victory over the Cowboys).

Trade update

It should be a surprise to no one that WTNE made the first trade of the regular season, as Jordan sent keeper WR Justin Jefferson and TE Isaiah Likely packing (to father-in-law John Lambert's Rangers, no less) for WR Cee Dee Lamb. We're not sure what tio make of this, since neither team realyy has any realistic postseason plans in the making, and neither needed to get rid of anyone due to pending free agency. But there you have it.