Christmas comes early in San Clemente

Fly, Eagles, Fly! – Jordan’s hope for a first-round upset of father-in-law John Lambert will rest on the shoulders of Philadelphia RB Saquon Barkley as his Eagles head into Washington, D.C., on Sunday. Controlling the number of touches Saquon gets will be in the hands of John’s QB, Jalen Hurts. Let’s get ready to rumble, boys.

Will Jalen Hurts hog all the points the Eagles score this weekend, or will Saquon Barkley get some opportunities? Barkley had a dozen runs to the 1-yard line this season. And he's not the one who ended up with any of the resulting 12 TDs.

There were some strange prayers heard going up from the Southern California area over the past three weeks, and the prayers went something like this, “Dear God, you know we all hate Bob Garcia but can we please let him draw The Recliners in the first round of the JSFL Playoffs.” The prayers were so baffling that the Lord Almighty called over the goofy angel, Clarence, and sent him down to Hermosa and, lo and behold, the Recliners lost three of their final four games while John Lambert’s Rangers went on a 5-game heater and claimed the top seed.

Those two teams, moving in opposite directions, opened the door for the Band Aids to draw the slumping Recliners in the first round this weekend instead of the Rangers or WTNE.

So, we head into the first round of the playoffs with a real “It’s A Wonderful Life” feel to it.

But, why do I feel like we have landed in the “Pottersville” version of the movie instead of the “Bedford Falls” version? Bob, in this farcical preview, is going to be cast as Mr. Potter, the bitter, wheelchair-bound owner of every key player as the money round of this season begins to take shape. He rosters the best QB in the land in Lamar Jackson of Baltimore, the second- and fourth-best RBs in “King” Derrick Henry and Josh Jacobs, the fourth-best WR in Terry McLaurin and the fifth-best kicker in Chase McLaughlin of Tampa Bay. The other three team owners all are carrying the “George Bailey” monicker as the nice but out-gunned guy who just barely keeps the Bailey Building & Loan above water, and the ones who likely carry the banner of underdog as Christmas and the time to crown a champion comes screaming at us.

“Sentimental hogwash,” Bob retorted. “I want my motion voted on!”

The only trouble with this Hollywood script is that the real “beast” of the league is probably John Lambert’s Rangers, the only other team besides Garcia’s Band Aids to top 1,500 points in scoring this season. And the Rangers are entering the money round red hot with five straight wins. The Rangers come in battle-tested by averaging 112.2 points a game over those last five weeks with two wins over the Spread Beaters, and one each against playoff entrants the Recliners and WTNE.

But, as any sage investment professional will tell you, “past performance is no indicator of future success." Once the playoffs begin, banged-up stars get more breathers as they are saved for the “real” NFL playoffs in January, scoring becomes a little more scarce and upsets galore unfold. But, the one good thing about the start of the playoffs is that I only need to write two previews this week (and only one for the Super Bowl next week) as none of the other games mean a thing.

Safe travels to you all and thanks, in advance, for participating in this goofy fake football league. We may not like the winner but the target on his back next August just gets bigger as he sits out the first half of the draft.

Instead, think of gathering around Bob’s house in San Clemente Sunday night as Chris pulls off the biggest first-round upset in league history, and banging on Bob’s windows as we shout, “Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter.”

But, that is getting way, way ahead of ourselves. For now, we all get down on one knee and pray, “God, give Chris the strength and wisdom to kick Bob’s ass. Amen.” Now, let’s get this party started.

The Week Ahead

For the first round of the playoffs, there will be one Thursday night game (the Broncos at the Chargers) and two Saturday games (the Texans at Chiefs and Steelers at Ravens), and only one game on Monday, Dec. 23 (the Saints at Packers). For Championship week, the action kicks off with two games on Christmas Day (Wednesday, Dec. 25) as the Chiefs take on the Steelers and Ravens take on the Texans. One more Thursday game features the Seahawks at the Bears. Twelve games kick off on Sunday, Dec. 29, and the final game of our season wraps up with the Lions visiting the 49ers (yay!) on Monday, Dec. 30.

Here's a look at the week fifteen matchups.

Game of the Week

No. 2-seed Band Aids (10-5) vs No. 3-seed Recliners (11-4), Band Aids favored by 26: We wish we could give Chris some comfort and joy, but this is looking like an old-fashioned version of Bob taking Chris out behind the woodshed for a butt-kicking. But, if history is any predictor of what might unfold, this also could be the week Bob’s team goes into the scoring tank as it did the one time these two teams squared off in Week 2 (Recliners won that easily, 87-73). Bob’s starters are favored across the board. The only “push” is between WR1s (Terry McLaurin at home to Philly for Bob, and Garrett Wilson at home to the Rams for Chris). The Band Aids have the statistical edge at every other starting position (except tight end). Bob is favored at QB (Lamar at home to Pittsburgh Saturday); both RBs (Josh Jacobs at home to New Orleans Monday night and “King” Derrick at home Saturday to Pittsburgh); WR2 (Cooper Kupp at the Jets); at flex (RB James Conner at Carolina); at defense (Bob grabbed Atlanta off the waiver wire Tuesday morning as it hosts the Giants); and at kicker (Chase McLaughlin at Dallas). Chris gets a scoring edge only at tight end (Sam LaPorta at Chicago). Chris gets the scoring started tonight as his QB Justin Herbert hosts the Broncos and his WRs Courtland Sutton (Broncos) takes the field. The verdict on this game will unfold Saturday as Baltimore hosts rival Pittsburgh. Bob has two key scoring leaders (Lamar Jackson and Derrick Henry) in that one. Take the Band Aids by 10.

No. 1-seed Rangers (11-4) vs. No. 4-seed WTNE (8-7), Rangers favored by 1: This is going to make the holidays in Arizona a bit testy for John and Jordan as this is the tightest game on the playoff docket. The Rangers won both previous matchups by a combined total of 8 points. The Rangers won in Week 6 (85-82) and again in Week 11 (118-113). We have no doubt this one will be fought to the final snap on Monday as Jordan’s flex player currently is Saints RB Alvin Kamara (listed as questionable as of this writing on Thursday morning). We don’t doubt John may have to sweat out Monday night with a very small lead to guard. The stats geeks at ESPN have this one as evenly divided as it can be. John gets a favorable matchup at QB (Jalen Hurts at Washington); RB Kyren Williams at the Jets; WR Mike Evans at Dallas; and flex WR Davante Adams at home to the Rams. Jordan gets a statistical advantage at RB1 as Saquon Barkley travels to Washington; WR Puka Nacua at the Jets; tight end Trey McBride at Carolina; and the Lions defense at the Bears. Take the Rangers by 1.