Band Aids back into a playoff spot

Bob Garcia's team get throttled by Spread Beaters but nonetheless is the first team to clinch a postseason berth; Five teams are 8-5 and battling for the other three spots; Tirades win (or is it lose?) the Toilet Bowl.

Sam LaPorta had not one but two TDs and was the top-scoring TE on Sunday with 20 points.

Well, Vern thought last week was wild. Nope. This one was even wilder.

Five teams are fighting for the final three playoff sports with two weeks to play after Wild Weekend 2, the sequel. Let's start with the big shocker, the Recliners stunning upset of Silent Division-leading WTNE. That sent the division into a three-way tie for the lead as the Invaiders pummeled the Rangers and the aforementioned Beaters also won.

The Beaters have the huge advantage here, with a more than 100-point lead in total points scored among those three teams with 1359. If somehow we end up with a three-way tie for the division lead, someone might get left behind, either the Invaiders (1251) or WTNE (1240).

Over in the Shit Talkers Division, things are a bit more clear cut. Bob's Band Aids locked down the division title despite the loss to Matt Pringle's Beaters, with a 10-3 record. The Band Aids 1300 total points likely won't come in to play.

Tied for second and looking for a playoff spot are Jeff Lambert's Packers, who took last week's trade to the bank and cashed in big time, and Blayze Hanson's Saddles, who elected to hang onto impending free agent Jonathan Taylor instead of trading him. The Packers (8-5) beat the Saddles (8-5) thanks to the addition of WR Deebo Samuel and TE Sam LaPorta in a trade from the Tirades. For those keeping track, Samuel scored 31 points Sunday, more than any other WR in the league... even Tyreek Hill (27). And LaPorta had 20, more than any other TE in the league, more than George Kittle (6) and Travis Kelce (8) combined. Sorry, Bob. He could have been yours for a 10th, but you still would have lost.

BEATERS 143, BAND AIDS 98: This was a beat-down, plain and simple, but should Bob really worry? Nah. He's got a playoff spot locked down. Pringle is the one who gets to celebrate, though, as he put himself im prime position to take the division title and make a run for a second consecutive title. That hasn't been done since, well, I don't know because Matt has the trophy... so he can check and e-mail the league so Vern can include it in the preview tomorrow. Anyway, if it weren't for the donut put up by the Jaguars defense, the entire Beaters lineup might have scored in double-figures. Hill's two long TD catches against the Commanders helped him to those team-leading 27 points. Derrick Henry might have been groggy post-concussion but you wouldn't know it; he scored two TDs and 23 points and appears to be recharged just in time for Matt's playoff run. Bob got 24 from QB Jalen Hurts, whose Eagles got a beat-down from the 49ers, and 17 from the Falcons defense.

INVAIDERS 130, RANGERS 54: Vern got 25 from super-sub WR Nico Collins (who needs Deebo?), 20 more from CeeDee Lamb, and 22 each from RBs Alvin Kamara and De'Von Achane in this rout of the our-tent-is-already-packed Rangers. QB Pat Mahomes led the Rangers with a paltry 12 points and continued his disappointing fanatasy performance in 2023.

PACKERS 126, SADDLES 115: Recent acquisitions Samuel (31) and LaPorta (20) led the Pack to the victory. WRs Mike Evans and Ja'Marr Chase combined for 42 more. Only the Browns defense (-4) disappointed Jeff. The Saddles lost despite the fourth-highest point total of the day, led by QB Dak Prescott's 27 and 22 more from RB Joe Mixon.

RECLINERS 122, WTNE 81: There was a DK Metcalf sighting on Sunday in Dallas and the Recliners rolled to the win as a result. Metcalf, whose 15 points in Week 11 was his season high, had only been averaging 7 points a game over his last seven appearances but erupted for 31 against the Cowboys. Another WR who has been mostly silent this season is Christian Watson, who scored 20 on Sunday, his second game in a row scoring in double figures after a season of blah -- example, in weeks 7-10 he posted 2-3-3-2. WTNE was led by (who else?) Christian McCaffrey's 19 points.

GERBILS 62, TIRADES 50: It's official. The Gerbils have lost the lottery for the No. 1 draft pick. The Tirades recent talent-shedding resulted in this latest loss, and the two teams are now tied for the league's worst record at 1-11. The Tirades, though, have scored the fewest points in the JSFL and trail the Gerbils by 29, so have the inside edge at the top pick in the 2024 draft. Which, if you ask Pringle, is a position he would never, ever imagine himself being in. RB James Conner led the Gerbils with 22. QB Jared Goff added 16. The Tirades got 28 from QB Brock Purdy after he shredded the Eagles defense on Sunday. Go Niners!