Will it be the Tirades, Recliners or Band Aids?

The final playoff spot is up for grabs as Packers defense does in Pack; Garcia and Zimnoch win to keep pace

The Green Bay defense had a pick-six Sunday night against the Bears, but it was another pick on the last offensive play by the Bears that sealed a Tirades win over the Pack.

It has all come down to this. The Tirades need a fourth consecutive win to get into the postseason dance and they have their nemesis, the Invaiders, standing between them and the Final Four. If they lose, they open the door to either the Recliners or Band Aids. It has been that kind of year.

It could be worse. You could be the Spread Beaters, who dropped 103 and then 109 on the same team and lost both times. I can hear Matt screaming from here, “Those &%$#@ Invaiders!”

The Tirades dodged a big-time bullet Sunday night when Green Bay decided to let AJ Dillon carry the running load in the second half of the victory over the Chicago Bears. Hanging on every Sunday night snap, the Tirades slipped by The Packers, 95-93, on literally the final two plays of the game to stay in the fourth and final playoff spot at 8-6. The Recliners and Band Aids, winners over the Rangers and punchless Gerbils, respectively, stayed within one game of Ron Hender’s tailpipes by improving to 7-7.

The Band Aids get those crappy Gerbils once more (who came up with this freaking Week 15 schedule? thanks ESPN!) while the Tirades face the playoff-bound Invaiders. The Recliners, who we warned you about 5 weeks ago, close with the sputtering Blazing Saddles. The Recliners hold the scoring edge (1,268) over the Band Aids and Tirades, if it comes down to a tiebreaker. The Band Aids (1,144) hold the scoring edge over only the Tirades (1,104, despite two wins by the Tirades over the Band Aids this season).

“I needed that ending like I need a heart attack,” Hender said about the win over The Pack with an audible gasp of relief. The biggest rally of Monday night was the Recliners riding Odell Beckham Jr.’s 13 points to drop the Rangers. They were on the brink of elimination.

As the regular season comes to an end, we still have a couple of games with playoff implications and seeding allocations. Topping the list is the Tirades trying to close out the playoff bid with the Invaiders. The other games of playoff note are The Consortium at the Spread Beaters and the Recliners at the Saddles. The last game on the docket, and this one is for pure pride and bragging rights, features the brothers Lambert doing one last dance this season.

The Invaiders, Saddles and Spread Beaters all have punched their playoff ticket. As it sits now, the lowest seed (Recliners/Band Aids/Tirades) gets the Invaiders. The Spread Beaters get the Saddles. At least that is how I see it. But ESPN might say something else.

The Consortium and Gerbils also have the dishonor of playing for the No. 1 pick in 2022. Both are tied at 3-11, with the Gerbils scoring a full 40 points suckier this season (921) than The Consortium (966) going into the final week of play.

Huey has to lay a big-time egg if he wants that first pick next year. Can you score negative points? And, as we wind down to the final week of regular-season play, this is just a reminder we still have a Thursday-night game (the Chargers and Chiefs) and two games on Saturday. The Raiders and Browns will play the early game and the Patriots travel to Buffalo for the night game.

Tirades 95, Packers 93: This one literally came down to the final two plays Sunday night. It started as a showdown between the recently acquired Green Bay defense (Tirades) and Aaron Jones (The Pack) but the lead changed hands three times in the final 3 minutes. Hender was screaming when Chicago settled for a field goal down 20-some points, taking two points from the defensive score and giving Jeff a temporary 2-point lead. The game was in doubt until Justin Fields was sacked and then tossed a game-ending interception to swing what was a tie (Packers would have won on the tiebreaker after the sack) to a 2-point Tirades’ win on the interception (and the Marietta fans went wild, yay!!!!). The Tirades won their third in a row to keep slim playoff hopes alive. Dalvin Cook came off of the injured list Thursday night to rumble for more 200 yards and a team-high 33 points. Patrick Mahomes picked the Raiders’ defense apart for 19 points and Harrison Butker kicked his way to 14 points. The Packers fell for the third-straight week and all but punted any playoff hopes into the trash can with those losses. Josh Allen scored a team high 34 points in a loss to Tampa, Aaron Jones scored a TD for 18, Greg Joseph scored 12 and Deebo Sambo Samuel came off of the injured list (yay, 9ers!) to score 17.

Invaiders 130, Spread Beaters 109: Any owner who scores 109 points and loses is justified to be pissed. The Spread Beaters headed into Monday Night with a 28-point lead, but had to sweat out Kyler Murray, Cooper Fucking Kupp and the Rams kicker, Matt Gay. It was the second time this season Matt put up more than triple digits and lost to Vern. Is there any chance he's NOT pissed about that? No. That trio – Murray, Kupp and Gay, which sounds like the league's law firm -- combined for 43 points to pull out another fucking win for yours truly. The Invaiders were only in a position to win Monday night as a result of a late free-agent pickup, the Kansas City defense (never stop working the waiver wire, boys), which scored 24. Davonte Adams also scored 24 on Sunday and Leonard Fournette added 18. Kupp came through with 18 on Monday night. Defenses, as already mentioned, and a tight end dominated this wild one. The Tennessee defense blanked the hapless Jacksonville Jaquars (get ready to stream the Houston defense against this dumpster fire) en route to a team-high 21 points for the Spread Beaters. The Baltimore quarterbacks, after losing Lamar Jackson with an injury, rallied behind Tyler Huntley to score 18 and Mark Andrews, the recipient of most of the post-Lamar Jackson targets, scored 17.

Recliners 105, Rangers 96: Odell Beckham Jr. returned to his glory days Monday, hauling in a big TD on just two catches, but it was enough for Chris to stretch out in the Barcalounger. The Recliners got a team-high 29 from Tom Brady, 20 from the Dallas defense and 17 from Tee Higgins. When your third-best scorer lights up the scoreboard for 21 points, you should have a win under your belt, but that didn’t happen for the Rangers, who suffered their third-straight loss. Justin Hebert led the Rangers with a team-high 24 points, Melvin Gordon III scored twice for 23 points and George Kittle was the guy who scored twice for 21.

Blazing Saddles 82, Pillow Biters 58: When your leading scorer is on bye, you expect to have a hard time scoring. Such was the case for Blayze’s Saddles who had Jonathan Taylor resting up for a playoff push. But, if you are going to score 20 points off of your normal average, you would hope you have The Consortium on the other sideline. Najee Harris scored a team-high 22 points for the Saddles, Jamar Chase added two TDs and 19 points and the Carolina quarterbacks added 19 points. The Consortium (Pillow Biters) lost their fifth straight and only had one player – the New Orleans quarterback – in double figures. Taysom Hill scored 26 against the Jets. Darrell Williams added 9 and Mike Davis 8.

Band Aids 105, Gerbils 83: Chuck and Bob will get a long, two-week look at each other as they tangled this week and will close out the season with a repeat performance. Chuck, I’d go out on a limb like Dallas’ Mike McCarthy and say something outlandish like, “I guarantee a win this week over the Band Aids.” We need some spice to liven up this stinker. Bob’s Band Aids got this win and kept lingering playoff hopes alive behind a team-high 29 points from Aaron Rodgers, 20 points from previously injured Alvin Kamara, and 16 from Hunter Renfrow. The Gerbils lost their sixth straight and were led by Javonte Williams and his 20 points. Minnesota QB Kirk Cousins added 13 and Dawson Knox 12.