Who gets the stiffs?

Hey, our teams don't suck, we're just starting the season slower than everyone else...

Jeff Lambert and the Pack breathed a sigh of relief when Christian McCaffrey suited up against the Seahawks and played the entire game. Now, will he get back into the end zone?

(Filed from somewhere on the Central Coast of California)

OK, I can hear the snide remarks and see the line forming around the block for the chance to play against me or Bob. For the record, Chuck gets the lucky draw and faces down the Invaiders, and Chris’ Recliners punch the other lucky ticket and draws the Band Aids.

Speaking for Bob, we are both highly offended, but we get the jealousy. But, one of us is still undefeated and in first place. For those sniping about the schedule, we just say, “Score more points and quit bitchin’ about the schedule.” Nee-ner. Nee-ner.

It is on to Week 2, and never has there been a Week 2 more critical for Bob (unless he is on the “tank now for better picks next season mode) than this one because he is so used to starting a W after drawing the Invaiders in Week 1 for the past two decades.

But, not all is lost. The social outcasts at ESPN have way too much time on their hands and need to start dating more as they have tracked a very interesting statistic that has unfolded over the years.

The common saying is that you can’t win the championship in September, but you sure can lose it. Statistically speaking, those teams that can come out of the gates winning in September (4 of their first 5 games) have an 80-percent chance of making the playoffs in December. Win three of the first five, and the odds of making the playoffs drop off slightly. Drop three of the first five, and you are facing a long, uphill climb. Lose four, and you might as well start planning for 2026.

With that in mind, five teams, obviously, garnered wins in Week 1. WTNE, the Spread Beaters, the Recliners and the Packers joined my hapless, scoring-deprived Invaiders in the win column. The other five are desperate to even the tally and get back to .500. For two of those Week 1 winners – WTNE and the Packers – one will still be undefeated after the Monday night game. And one those first-week losers – either the Tirades and Rangers – is guaranteed to be winless.

Waiver System Debuts

The new waiver system debuted this week and several teams had to wait until Wednesday morning to see if they had any success. The Tirades got the first claim in and grabbed WR Quinton Johnston of the Chargers. The Invaiders grabbed RB Jordan Mason and the Spread Beaters snagged WR Keenan Allen before the Tirades had a second claim trigger with RB Nick Chubb. Heading into Week 3 action, the Band Aids will have the top waiver priority followed by Matty’s Who Dey and Chuck’s Gerbils.

Somewhere in California

Bonnie and I continue to make the slow trek down the West Coast and find ourselves this morning getting ready for a breakfast at Dorn’s in Morro Bay with my college roommate (yay, Cal Poly!). Later it is dinner with an old newspaper chum in San Luis Obispo before hitting the road Friday for a weekend wedding fest in Santa Monica. At least that is the story I am sharing when asked.

Personally, I think of it as the opening peace talks and trade chats with team owners about the services of 2-year keeper Ceedee Lamb. Wouldn’t he be one heck of an addition for that championship push? Anyway, we have a VRBO a half block from the beach through Sunday. There must be some way I can slip away from the festivities to watch a game or two, right? Lamb is one of a quartet of two-year keepers that will likely be on the trading block this season. The others are Bijan Robinson (Recliners), Justin Jefferson (Who Dey) and Amon-Ra St. Brown (Band Aids). I see some early trade partners already. Who hooo!

The trade deadline is at midnight on Black Friday, Nov. 28.

The Game of the Week

Packers (favored by 8) host WTNE: It is never to early to claim a game might be a preview of the playoffs and that is certainly the case whenever these two juggernauts collide. This game has the highest potential to light up the scoreboard as the Packers are the only team projected for triple digits this week. Jeff has four players projected for double digits, led by Lamar Jackson, Christian McCaffrey, De’Vone Achane and James Cook. Swami says, “Never bet against the Pack” and take Jeff’s boys by 5.

Best of the Rest

Mac Jones will be starting at QB for the 49ers with Brock Purdy injured. Will he start for the Tirades?

Rangers (favored by 1) at Tirades: So, how many times are we going to say, “John had the highest-scoring QB in the league last week, and he was on the bench.”  This week, Josh Allen gets the call and the bookies start laying odds that Jalen Hurts has a monster week. On the other sideline, Ron has to decide between backup QB Mac Jones (Yay 49ers! Remember him?), as Brock Purdy is not likely to start, or a rookie in Vikings QB J.J. McCarthy, who led his team to a comeback victory last week. The Swami smells an upset looming here and will take the Tirades by 1.

Who Day at Spread Beaters (favored by 11): This one has all the makings of a double-digit blowout by the Spread Beaters and the early line certainly suggests that. It appears Pringle will roll with both of his rookie RBs (Ashton Jeanty and Omirion Hampton) but this game likely comes down to which QB has the better Thursday night performance (Jayden Daniels for Pringle and Green Bay's Jordan Love for Who Dey). Swami says the Spread Beaters are too deep to be denied. Take Pringle’s boys by 8.

Vern Ahrendes hopes that starting Tetairoa McMillan won't result in an underperformance.

Invaiders (favored by 6) at Gerbils: Oddsmakers are still baffled by the Invaiders. They project out for a score in the mid-90s and come the weekend, they finish 30 points shy of those projections. The Invaiders did have two disappointing performances last week and both of those starters are riding the pine, opening the door for new starters (Justin Fields at QB and WR Tetairoa McMillan) to disappoint this week. This smells like another potential upset, and Swami says take the Gerbils and 1.

Dog of the Week

(Or, find “I Love Lucy” reruns instead)

Recliners (favored by 7) host the Band Aids: The mercy rule might be needed in this one. Bob is going to struggle all season to score and this one is no exception. Chris could play his backups and still win. When you have the flexibility and depth to start a keeper at flex, you are in good shape. Bijan Robinson gets the start at flex for Chris this week and Chubba Hubbard and J.K. Dobbins get the start at RB. This is just a case of Chris having too many quality toys to play with. Buckle up, Bob, it is going to be a long weekend (and season). Swami says take the Recliners and 10.