Season sweeps on the line

Five teams, mathematically, are still alive for the final two playoff spots, and one, and maybe two of the pretenders might get tossed by the wayside this week.

The Spread Beaters look to RB acquisitions (clockwise, from top) Derrick Henry and Jonathan Taylor to combine with WR Nico Collins (bottom left) for a deep playoff run – assuming they make the playoffs, of course.

With the Packers as the only team that is confirmed for a playoff run, it leaves the Recliners, Spread Beaters and Gerbils – all with 8-5 records – as the odds-on favorites to grab the final three playoff spots. The pretenders – the 7-5 WTNE and Invaiders – wait, patiently, for the Red Sea to part or for one or all three of the favorites to stumble down the stretch.

If, God forbid, the playoff choices come down to points-scored, the Recliners (1,303 points), Gerbils (1,238 points) and Spread Beaters (1,191 points) are the leaders in the clubhouse. WTNE is fourth In the pecking order with 1,158 points. The Invaiders (1,098 points) need to win their final two games and hope at least two teams they are chasing lose their final two games.

One of those scenarios will unfold naturally as the Invaiders face the Spread Beaters this week. If the Beaters win this one, Matt Pringle can breathe a sigh of relief and can probably start printing playoff tickets. WTNE gets the 5-8 Who Dey, while Chuck’s Gerbils take on the 3-10 Band Aids.

The only things we know for sure is that the Band Aids, Tirades, Who Dey and the Rangers all have been eliminated from playoff contention.

Week 14 Schedule

Four NFL teams will finish the bye schedule for this season this week as the Carolina Panthers, New England Patriots, New York Giants and San Francisco 49ers get the week off. The schedule starts with a wild game on Thursday as the Dallas Cowboys travel to Detroit to take on the Lions. The Thursday game has the highest total points-score estimate (53.5 points) of any game on the slate. The Sunday night game features the Houston Texans traveling to take on the Kansas City Chiefs. The schedule ends Monday with the Philadelphia Eagles traveling to Southern California to take on the Chargers. The only other game with more than 50 points projected is the Bengals at the Bills’ line (51.5 points).

Game of the Week

Spread Beaters (8-5) vs. Invaiders (7-6), Beaters favored by 7: When was the last time the Invaiders inhabited the feature “Game of the Week” status? It has been a long, long time. But, this appears to be the only game of mild interest as the Spread Beaters look to close out a challenger to his playoff spot. A loss this week does not put a dagger in the Beaters (as Matt Pringle has a huge, and I mean huge, scoring advantage over the Invaiders if he can just finish in a tie). The Invaiders, unfortunately, look to be in their fourth-straight “must-win” situation to keep slim playoff hopes alive. Personnel on both teams continue to shift constantly as Pringle looks to replace injured WR Amon-Ra St. Brown (expected back Week 15) and the embarrassing realization he traded a quarterback last week and both rostered dudes (Brock Purdy and Jaxson Dart) are on a bye this week. The Invaiders may look to add some more punch at WR after trading away both CeeDee Lamb and Ja’Marr Chase in the last two weeks. With RB Bijan Robinson now in the fold for the stretch drive, the Invaiders are hoping they don’t need much from this thin WR corps (first pick Brian Thomas Jr. has been a season-long wasted pick and rookie Tetairoa McMillen is on a bye). But, it may not matter a lick as the Beaters are favored across the board. He has the edge at both RBs (Derrick Henry and Jonathan Taylor) and both WRs (Nico Collins and Emeka Egbuka). He also gets an edge at defense with the Broncos at Las Vegas. It is a sad day when a kicker is your offensive edge. So it goes for the Invaiders. The Swami hates to pick against himself but this one looks bleak. Take the Beaters and 5.

Best of the Rest

WTNE (7-6) vs. Who Dey (5-8), WTNE favored by 12: The team with the better odds to stun the Gerbils or Beaters is Jordan’s WTNE. Jordan tried punting on this season three weeks ago and now looks for his second straight win and a Hail Mary backdoor entry to the playoffs. Both the Beaters and Recliners have stumbled of late and the Gerbils got a gift last week when Tirades’ owner Ron Hender left CeeDee Lamb on the pine after trading for him. Stranger things have happened. And, Jordan’s boys are heavily favored across most of the starting positions. He gets the edge with both RBs (Saquon Barkley and Quinshon Judkins), WR2 (Michael Wilson), tight end Brock Bowers (back from the dead) and the Seahawks’ defense at Atlanta. Who Dey gets an edge at QB with Jordan Love hosting Chicago (with a healing receiving corps), WR1 Jaxon Smith-Njigba and flex WR Jameson Williams. The Swami hates to break this bad news to Jordan, but you are still alive and will win by 5.

Gerbils (8-5) vs. Band Aids (3-10), Gerbils favored by 14: So, it is another showdown between the Men of Troy and Bruin Blue. And, this has all of the makings of another Gerbils blowout. Chuck won the first meeting, 75-68, and look for a season sweep (I sense a theme brewing for these final three games). And, Bob still has some lineup adjustments to make before Sunday as two starters (Wan’Dale Robinson and the Patriots defense) are on bye this week. It may not matter if he fills those voids as Chuck is favored at all but one position this week. He gets the nod at QB with Patrick Mahomes, both RBs (Jahmyr Gibbs and Breece Hall), WR2 Rome Odunze, flex RB Jaylen Warren, and the Texans defense. Bob gets the nod at kicker. This one could get ugly early Thursday night with Jamyr Gibbs possibly running wild on the Cowboys Thursday). The Swami says get out the broom. We sense a sweep. Take the Gerbils and 8.

Recliners (8-5) vs. Rangers (4-9), Recliners favored by 8: Chris is looking for a season sweep of the Rangers in this one. He won back in Week 9, 97-86. The Recliners are favored in just about every head-to-head matchup. Chris gets the edge at RB1 (the recently traded-for Kyren Williams), WR2 (the recently traded-for Ja’Marr Chase), tight end Trey McBride and the Rams defense. The Rangers get the edge at QB with Josh Allen and flex RB Josh Jacobs. Get out the broom. The Swami senses another season sweep. Take the Recliners and 3.

Dog of the Week

Tanking Tirades (3-8) vs. Packers (11-3): Any game with the Tirades in it is going to be the top contender for “Dog of the Week” as team owner Ron Hender keeps trying to tank for more losses to improve his draft position next year. Can we fine this guy, Mr. Commissioner? CeeDee still sits on the pine while WR Ricky Pearsall (on a bye) is still in the starting lineup. We hope CeeDee makes his Tirades’ debut in this one, but it won’t matter. The Packers, looking for their 10th-straight win, have the biggest positional advantage of any matchup this week. It is nearly a clean sweep except for QB (a push between Lamar Jackson for Jeff and either Jayden Daniels or Marcus Mariotta for Ron). Everything else falls Jeff’s way. He has the edge at both RBs (De’Von Achane and James Cook III), both WRs (A.J. Brown and George Pickens), tight end Travis Kelce, flex WR Justin Jefferson, the Colts’ defense and kicker Brandon Aubrey. The Packers won the previous meeting in Week 3, 113-98. Keep the broom out as the Packers win by a bunch.