Kickoff has finally arrived

Can the Packers defend their title?

This horse crap again? Jeff proudly gave us all the finger at the 40th annual draft in Las Vegas.

It’s finally here.

Forget Christmas. Forget the Fourth of July. Heck, payday is not this exciting. The best time of the year is the start of the NFL season, which means the 2026 JSFL season is officially back!

And apparently Thursday, Sunday, and Monday weren’t enough, because we’re getting Wednesday Night Football this week.

You read that right. Wednesday. Take the personal time off. Put the kids to bed early. Tell the missus (or mister) that fantasy football season is here.

Your JSFL Today team of reporters had to start a few days early this year as the rematch of the last Super Bowl (the New England Patriots visit the Seattle Seahawks) Wednesday evening (yes, tonight!!!, if you read this Wednesday morning), followed by the San Francisco 49ers and Los Angeles Rams playing Thursday in Australia (5:30 p.m. our time, 10:30 a.m. down under).

If you have anyone playing in those two games, get those lineups ready to go, go, go.

And with the start of any new season, we have to get the first “Screw the Pack” out of the way and then repeat until it gets tiring. The call to action is foremost as Commissioner Jeff returns as reigning champion, ending the year of terrors foisted upon us by the football gods that allowed Bob Garcia to hoist the crown (symbolically) at the draft in Las Vegas.

Our intrepid reporters here at JSFL Today have been scouring the practice reports and projections for Week 1 and confidently say we don’t have a fu*#ing clue who is going to start the season on the positive side of the ledger. You can’t win the title on Draft Day, as we often say, but you sure can lose it. The real work begins this week with the kickoff weekend.

What we do know is that there are some outstanding NFL matchups this coming week and several stars – according to the podcasts I have been listening to – who are going to struggle against what was (a year ago) stout defenses or improved defenses with offseason acquisitions.

The oddsmakers have set out a few guidelines we can follow to skip through this potential minefield.  The “wise guys” have singled out three games (Baltimore at Indianapolis, 51.3 combined total points; Tampa Bay at Cincinnati, 51.0 combined total points; and the Saints at Lions, 49.1 combined total points) as three potential high-scoring affairs, and the Chargers (29 estimated points) and the Lions (28 estimated points) as the two teams you want to hitch your scoring wagon to this weekend.

Among the teams and stars likely to struggle is QB Josh Allen, who has had miserable games against the Houston Texans defense, and Rhamondre Stevenson, who got nothing in the Super Bowl in February, and faces the stout Seattle defense again.

The lowest-scoring (likely) game on the docket is the New York Jets at the Tennessee Titans (combined 39.6 estimated points). The challenge for us all becomes figuring out which ones of those are the real deal – that is the fun part of this mayhem. So, let’s not waste any more of your precious time (or mine as I still have boxes to unpack, and I noticed no one came to Oceano to help me … I know who you are).

As is the tradition since moving to the ESPN format 20-some years ago, the opening four weeks of the schedule feature a main serving of Silent Division brothers taking on Shit Talkers.

All five games on the slate this week are interdivisional matchups. The AI computers and pinheads at the ESPN statistics farm believe the WTNE and Who Dey battle and the game between the Marietta Tirades and the Hermosa Recliners will be the tightest ones on the card this week (just one point separates both scoring projections as of this writing on Wednesday).

Four points separate the brotherly battle between defending champ Jeff and his Pack against John Lambert’s Chandler Rangers and the same 4-point spread shows between the Santa Monica Spreadbeaters and the Westchester Gerbils. The biggest spread on the board, as of this writing, is a 6-point margin given to the Pismo Invaiders against Bob Garcia’s Band Aids.

The Swami hopes to keep his winning ways going with picks this season, though he would prefer his team does more winning. Let the bickering and bitching begin.

The schedule

The Wednesday night kickoff features the Patriots trying to exact some revenge on the Seattle Seahawks. The Thursday Night game has the 49ers and Los Angeles Rams battling in Australia. The Sunday Night game is a NFC East showdown between the Dallas Cowboys at the New York Giants. The slate wraps up Monday Night with an AFC West battle as the Denver Broncos travel to noisy Kansas City.

The previews

WTNE vs. Who Dey (WTNE favored by 1): This is one of two marquee matchups on the Opening Kickoff slate and it could be a wild one before this one is over Sunday night (neither team owner has a Bronco or Chief in their starting lineup). Can the Cincy Stack – QB Joe Burrow and RB Chase Brown – work with keeper WR Jaxson Smith-Njigba for Matty from the Natty, or will the two headed monster of RB Saquon Barkley and WR Justin Jefferson be enough for Jordan to find the win late Sunday night (Jordan will have Barkley going in the late game Sunday with New York Giants RB Cam Skattebo and the Dallas QB Dak Prescott)? Expect Who Dey to have a huge lead going into the late game and Matty can only hope he will have enough to hold off Jordan’s charge. WTNE gets the starting advantage with Barkley at lead RB and Chargers WR Quinshon Judkins at flex. Matty gets positional edges at QB with Burrow, WR with Jefferson and the Detroit defense at home to New Orleans. Swami says take WTNE and the point.

Tirades vs. Recliners (Tirades favored by 2): The other headliner this week features the runners-up last season, the Recliners, against a team that was picking third overall nearly every round and had a handful of extra picks to deploy. It appears Ron did not waste his draft position or extra picks this time around. The Tirades are favored in both backfield positions – with Christian McCaffrey taking on the Rams and Derrick Henry at Indianapolis. The Tirades also get positional advantages at flex with Las Vegas RB Ashton Jeanty and the Seattle defense. The Recliners are favored at both wide receiver slots – with Ja’Marr chase and Zay Flowers – and at tight end with the Raiders’ Brock Bowers. Chris gets a fourth positional advantage at QB with Baltimore’s Lamar Jackson. Wednesday’s Patriots at Seattle rematch will determine how this one settles out. Chris’ Rhamondre Stevenson looks to have no challenge for a backfield split at Tre’Veyon Henderson is out but he still has to face the Seattle defense. If the Seahawks can throttle Stevenson again, Swami says the Tirades will win by 5. 

Del Mar Packers vs. Rangers (Packers favored by 4): I think John still hates us all. He wanted to keep QB Josh Allen, but we bullied and cajoled him into trading for and keeping WR Amon-Ra St. Brown. And, then, Bob Garcia, had the audacity to pluck Allen with the first pick overall and left the Rangers’ owner seething. Who better to take your frustration out on but your brother? He has an uphill road to climb and is outgunned by some superior positional advantages, but you are saying he’s got a chance? Swami does not think so. The Packers have positional advantages at QB with Jalen Hurts (John’s keeper a year ago), Rams RB Kyren Williams, tight end Dallas Goedert and one of the best kickers in the league (Cameron Dicker, who is carrying a questionable tag as of this writing). The Rangers get a positional edge at RB with Breece Hall, both WRs (St. Brown and CeeDee Lamb) and the Chargers defense. Swami thinks the Packers have too many weapons in this battle. Take the Packers (the f*#kers) and 5.

Spreadbeaters vs. Gerbils (Speadbeaters favored by 4): When you look at the positional breakdowns, the Spreadbeaters should post a double-digit win. Pringle gets edges at QB Jaxon Dart, RB Omirion Hampton, WR Davante Adams, and flex with RB Bayshul Tuten.

Chuck’s Gerbils counter with advantages at lead RB with Jahmyr Gibbs and tight end (I can’t believe I am about to write this) Mark Andrews. Swami thinks the Spreadbeaters have too many guns for this shootout. Take the Beaters and 4.

 

The unthinkable – sitting Josh Allen – is a reality. If the superstar has shown any weakness in his game, it has been the Houston Texans defense and those nasty fellas are waiting for Allen this Sunday.

Invaiders vs. Band Aids (Invaiders favored by 6): No one in their right mind would think of benching superstar Josh Allen (right) after spending the first pick on the all-world quarterback, but Bob Garcia has got to be, at least, thinking it might be in his best interests to bench Big Josh this weekend against the Invaiders. Bo Nix at Kansas City is not out of the realm of possibilities for Bob. But, come on, no one in their right mind would bend Josh Allen in Week 1. Amirite? Most of the positional advantages lean towards the Invaiders in this one, starting with both RBs in Bijan Robinson and De’Von Achane. The Invaiders also have the edge at tight end (Trey McBride), at flex (in Green Bay RB MarShawn Lloyd) and the Jaguars’ defense against Cleveland.

The Band Aids counter with advantages at QB (that Josh Allen guy) and WR Puka Nacua. The Swami is getting giddy about calling this one. Take the Invaiders and 4.